112th Post - August Overview

So here are August's posts, hope you enjoy them and find them interesting to watch, listen, eat, read and of course not forgetting about July's hottest beauty products and making sure you embrace this Summer's most elegant look. In the meantime, August has much to offer especially in London, head out this June and take in all the best new events, exhibitions and happenings in the capital.

The laws of physics dictate that what goes up, must come down. Even when it feels as if our feet are a million miles off the ground. But when we’ve hit rock bottom we hope that some way, some how, our fortunes will change. That a great force will reverse the trend. Life is filled with high rollers. Some people choose to bet on themselves. While others are happy to bet on someone else. But luck is a funny thing. It’s easy to accept it when it goes your way, but when it doesn’t…Call it injustice, call it treachery. But remember, the most important rule in gambling is that the house always wins. -- N

I still can't believe its nearly the end of Summer...in other words; Summer Forecast = Cruel. Its been a weird one. From transitioning into a new job, family feuds, situationship entanglements to mental health breakdowns. The Summer of 2023 is one I would like to put behind me. Never have I felt so fragile in all aspects of my life, and the worse thing is; nothing and no-one can help. To start, I have to say I am grateful for my job and the people I now work with - it has been a safe haven for me this Summer. I am actually enjoying what I'm doing and the anxiety of work does not eat me up whole like it used to. However, as life would have it, the scales are never balanced - with one high comes a low and that sadly are the people that are closest to me. Family are people who want the best for you, help lift each other up and be there for you no matter what. This is not my experience. I have finally hung my head and admit defeat because when no-one sees where your coming from you start to doubt yourself (as if I didn't do that enough already). This year the people closest to me have hurt me mentally & emotionally, however, I'm the problem in their eyes. I always hear people say 'well they're your family' or you only have 'one Dad' or my personal favourite 'just be nice,' that phrase in particular makes my skin crawl in this context as in other words they mean 'brush it under the carpet.' For scenarios like this, you will never see me do that and I never will. Some situations are bigger and more important to just sit back and pretend nothing's happened and 'be nice.' I have been shamed for being single, for living at home, for not being a total 'social butterfly' and for one I've been dealing with since I was 13; fat shamed. I am surrounded by toxic people and sadly I am not in a position financially to pack up my bags and leave. But even if I did, I would be made to feel guilty for 'breaking up a family' or 'causing trouble.' I'm sick and tired of it all, there's no respect for my feelings, what I have sacrificed to make certain people happy. Sadly, its not just family that has slowly pecked away at my spirit, but for the first time in a long time, someone actually showed interest in me but as life would have it I was not ready (mainly due to the above family trauma I was trying to unpack) then early this year I made a decision to say yes and move forward, then you guessed it - he lost interest and dropped me like I was nothing (which was great for my self esteem (!)) I don't even know why I'm still hung up on him - looking back there were no grand gestures or selfless acts of kindness just a Lost Boy and his Wendy. It hurts still. I know I deserve better and I wish he was better but you can't change people however much you wish on it. 

In the next few weeks, who knows what is going to happen - all I can do is try and remember I need to look after myself now as people who are 'supposed' to care about me would never really treat me like this. So for now here's to living for the hope of it all and for whatever comes next....I'll be ok.